why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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