he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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