There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need moral support for this bender
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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