so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
