Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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