addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
