Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
