Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
