why didn't you poke me back
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
