You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
