He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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