I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
