I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
