Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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