Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
