Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
