I just made out with a guy for $7.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
