It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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