wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
