You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
