So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
