Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize