I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
