saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
