Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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