we're blogging at a bar
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
