Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
