I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
