There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
