Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
