Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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