my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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