Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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