your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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