I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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