how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
