we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
