the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
