Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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