I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there's paper in my vomit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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