there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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