It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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