I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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