I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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