I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
