Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What drink are we having for lunch?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize