12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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