I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
