I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
