I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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