You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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