It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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