just come out here and I will go home with you...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
