Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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