At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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