i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize