She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
