i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
