We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
