If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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