We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
