dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
