I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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